it takes me ten minutes to realize that I’m awake,
that the monsters my psyche conjured cannot harm me any longer,
I take a deep breath,
and inhale a loneliness that settles in the deep pits of my lungs,
But the feeling clings to the home it has spent years renovating,
It has made me forget that this body belongs to me.
I get out of bed.
I take my first steps.
These hands hang at my sides,
as I try my best to recollect the mantras my therapist hammered out with me,
The ones she hammers out of me,
I brush my teeth.
It’s a new day.
I haven’t seen this one yet.
I will find a way to love,
to fill my lungs with oxygen,
a forced gentrification,
I will find a way to survive,
I close my eyes.
My heart beats softly in my chest,
I count to twenty,
I am ready.